Wednesday, December 29, 2010

It's That Time of the Year Again...

Cocktails, broken promises, and regret time! Also known colloquially as New Year's.

For those who aren't yet aware, Baltimoreans love parties. Balls, galas, concerts, beer gardens, festivals - despite our choleric reputation, we are a people who love merriment in all its curious forms, at all times, and with even the thinnest of excuses.

So, naturally, when an actual holiday with actual cause for celebration comes along, we celebrate it the only way we know how: by exploiting a loophole in the law that lets us do what we want.

Yes, this curious state of affairs surrounding New Year's Eve in Baltimore comes because our forward-thinking forebears in the great city had their grand-kids' well-being in mind when they decided that bars should not be forced to close at the monastic hour of 2 am on the most celebratory night of the year. Reinterpretation of that law means that bars in Baltimore open at 8 pm on December 31st, and stay open until 2 am on January 2nd. Hell. Yes.

Now, Coda being the nationless jackal that she is, will be ditching town for NYE to spend the weekend researching for her Gossip Girl fanfiction up in the Big Apple. I, being as loyal and devoted as Greyfriar's Bobby, will remain in the city.

But, dear reader, then what? After all is said and done, will Coda and I languish in a post-holidays haze, emerging only to demand "More porkchops!" before re-attaching ourselves to a drip tube of homemade HRS until the spring thaw? Will we become increasingly desperate for Hot Tomatoes pizza and draft at Max's, yet fearfully remain in our snuggie cocoons, awaiting Snowmaggedon II? Of course not - we're Marylanders, and we have more pride than that.

Instead, Coda and I will be spending the upcoming snowy month in various degrees of participation/physical removal/heckling at the following events:

#1: Baltimore Winter Restaurant Week
Why? Because Food + Beer = Happy Tex & Coda

#2: the Maryland State Police Polar Bear Plunge

Why? Because aren't we forever telling you to do something nice for a change?

#3: Baltimore Claywork's Mad Hatters Tea Party

Why? Because if there is ever an excuse to wear a crazy hat in public, a Baltimorean will take it.

And if all of this happiness has your emo side begging for release, do something very Baltimorean and emerge from your winter malaise just long enough to keep vigil at midnight for the Poe toaster - he left us in 2009, but some still hope he may return...

Monday, November 15, 2010

philosophy of the world

So, as Tex mentioned, we've been sort of busy. I, for example, am currently training to secure the title of 'fastest staple-puller in the west,' the competition is steep but I didn't major in philosophy for nothing. And as it turns out, neither did these guys.

Dead Philosophers in Heaven might sound a little doubtful to anyone who doesn't own three different translations of the Nicomachean Ethics, but rest assured the humor doesn't require a BA in Pragmatism to enjoy it. If, however, you find yourself in need of some guidance there's a helpful, and hopefully growing, collection of philosopher trading cards that list strengths (Karl Marx: comprehensive description of just how utterly fucked we are), weaknesses (Frederich Nietzsche: syphilis, German), secret weapons (Plato: terrible conversational skills, massive state violence), and other helpful facts to keep the material relevant to those who studied...something employable.

So get out there and start examining that life of yours with the help of our newest Awesome Blog of the Week.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Comedy Blogs, Trains, and Aeroplanes (UPDATE: Trains and Aeroplanes no longer available.)

So somehow, between flings with exotic boytoys and international crime sprees, Coda and I managed to get a couple of jobs - hence the tragic decline in blog contributions. But never fear - nous sommes retournés.

Now, I'm not sure how I managed to utterly fail at my job here at TCKiT prior to today, but fail I have because I have not mentioned a blog so hilarious that it's artful:

Gabe Delahaye is the lead writer, emperor, etc. of Videogum, and not only is he the sort of handsome that is just ridiculous, but he's also hysterical. Honestly, sometimes Videogum (and its accompanying community of hysterical commenting monsters) are all that get me through the workday. Well, that and marshmallows. Sweet, sweet, precious marshmallows.

Anyway, for a straight shot of funny right to the vein, check out Gabe's recaps of popular TV shows, or his ongoing Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time. But don't let me confuse you - it's all good and it's all funny.

Now, speaking of that VG reminds me of another, older VG...

Ah, the first blush of internet youth - the excitement of waiting for a page to load, the delight of seeing an image - an image! - spring for the first time from simple lines of html code... the days before workplace firewalls and spam filters, a wild west of rugged individualism in which any person, child, or robotic entity could access, day or night, untold amounts of comedy and porn... this was the land into which the Van Gogh Goghs Sketch Comedy group were born.

Here at TCKiT, Tex has a special place in her heart for the VGGs, her first internet training ground and guide to hilarity. To everyone's surprise (their own included), the VGGs still run strong to this day - although now much more actively on their Twitter. For a glimpse into the formative years of a comedy mind, take a look at Tex's personal favorite: the Emotional Quotient Tests.

Early apologies for the short post, but work calls, friends. That coffee machine's not going to work itself.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

i feel home

I don't know who's running the PR machine for Take Ivy's first English language run, but who ever it is, she's certainly taking her job seriously. The press this book has been getting is out of control (I could probably link you to 10 mentions here and now without batting an eye) and it's been irritating inspiring us here at TCKiT to no end. So much so, in fact, that I've decided to hold off on buying that third pair of Sperrys to devote a little time to a post on the best of the best in recklessly preppy internet.

Though pesky concepts like 'copyright infringement' and 'intellectual property laws' have kept tongue-in-cheek masterpiece The Official Preppy Handbook from being posted online, you can still head over to Off the Cuff's discussion of Classic v Preppy for a concise style primer. Or just browse the blog itself for brand profiles, styling advice, and some exceptionally well written pieces on classic style in the modern world. If, however, you prefer total misunderstanding to cogent discussion, check out the alternately hysterical and horrifying tips these (presumably young) British bloggers give their fellow countrymen on how to be preppy.

Next up, a TCKiT favorite, Unabashedly Prep is a gorgeous collection of candids, quotations, playlists (there's a new one each month), and miscellany that all look so perfect you'll feel as though they've fallen out of The Talented Mr Ripley's wardrobe department and onto your screen.

Now, before I get back to those AOs I'll leave you with a few more TCKiT-approved, prep-friendly sites to use, or not use, as you see fit:

Ivy Style
Kiel James Patrick
Smathers & Branson
True Wind
Smart Turnout
Billy Reid
J Press

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Princes, Popes & Ponies

Ah, the glory of the sport of kings. The lush, green fields. The pounding of hooves. The pretty dresses and bottomless mimosas.

10 Oaks Charity Polo Match
In keeping with the spirit of our summer, Tex and Coda decided to live it up, Maryland-style.
In keeping with our belief that maybe you monsters should do something nice for a change instead of just swearing all the time, we decided to start at the annual Catholic Charities Ten Oaks Polo match. Proceeds went to benefit the Our Daily Bread Employment Center, which provides workforce development, homelessness assistance, and one of the largest soup kitchens in the city.

So to sum: do good things, see good sport - check out 10 Oaks 2011.

Attractions included gorgeous horses, cute dresses, and one surprisingly placed anti-capitalist puppet show. I wish that was a joke.

Green Cup of Polo
Fast forward 3 weeks, and you'll find us again sitting field-side, amidst hooves and horseplay.

This time we went to the Green Cup of Polo, a match hosted by the Capitol Polo Club, ostensibly to benefit all types of eco-friendly organizations and businesses in the DC metro area. Although the match itself was somewhat dwarfed by the fashion show, Red Bull sponsor tent, full bar & VIP lounge, ice cream station, etc., we did have some excellent fun.

For one, I got to see my fave local polo player (Charlie Muldoon!), did get some friggin delicious Honest Tea samples, and Duckie did get to indulge in her favorite polo pastime (judging our neighbors). A lot more of a social scene than Ten Oaks, but still good fun - just remember to dress to the 9s.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Baltimore Buzz: Memorial Day Crab Pot Lawn Party at the Mandarin Oriental

Sometimes a girl's just gotta live it up, and this week, Tex was feeling fancy. Our good friends at UrbanDaddy led me to this event that sounded awesome from all angles: Crabs on the Lawn of the Mandarin Oriental.

For those unaware, the MO is easily the best of the best when it comes to hotels in the area, and the DC location is beautifully situated to overlook the waterfront in DC's southwest. Crabs, naturally, will bring any Baltimorean out of the house, and of course Tex loves anyplace that offers brilliant table service and free champagne. So why would I ever say no?

The Crab Pot was also the kick-off in a series of MO-based restaurant Sou'Wester summer lawn parties (heed ye early - reservations fill up fast), and if this is what the rest of the summer will be like, then count me in.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that the very friendly blogger/photographers from Revamp were there, and got even better pictures than I did.

Next Up: Tex & Coda hope to see you all at the Ten Oaks Polo Match - an annual benefit on June 12, 2010 for Catholic Charities. Come on out, sip secret mimosas, and watch the ponies play!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Baltimore Buzz: Ottobar's Pretty in Pink 2010

Far be it from a Baltimorean to turn down a party. There's just something about the opportunity to dance, drink, and startle our eardrums that gets a Marylander's blood running, and Texas is no exception. That's why she and Coda are pioneering a new feature for your blog viewing pleasure:

Baltimore Buzz
(a.k.a. So What'd You Do Last Night?)

First up on So What'd You Do Last Night: the immensely enjoyable Ottobar 2010 Pretty in Pink Prom: a night of 80's-themed festivities, including an on-point DJ, a dressed-to-impress crowd, and a rack of hilarious decorations. In true modern girl fashion, Tex went with a fellow Baltimore blogger, one of the writers of Two Dilettantes. Although I couldn't dream of outdressing that fashionable fox, I did my best (pics below).

We also drank delish drinks (although we passed on the spiked punch - hits too close to hipster for my tastes), saw an amazing Michael Jackson impersonator, and just generally had a good time with the adorable and fun crowd! Definitely a recommendation for next year - plus corsage and plus 80's prom date.

Oh, and upcoming Baltimore Buzz:

[Sunday, May 30 @ 6pm] Crabs-on-the-Lawn lunch at the Mandarin Oriental (thanks, UrbanDaddy!). Not quite Baltimore, but since it's Memorial Day Weekend, we'll make an exception for our D.C. bretheren. It's still not too late to get reservations, and if you go, Tex'll see you there.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

take me out to the ballgame

Well kids, Preakness is over, so as far as I'm concerned summer has officially begun, solstice be damned. And to me, as with all proper Baltimore girls, summer means only one thing: bonding with the Birds down at the Yard (not Birdland, here at TCKiT Birdland will never be accepted).

So, we're really only a month into the season at this point, and maybe the O's exponentially slow start put you off a bit. Maybe more than a bit. In fact, maybe you're just now aware that baseball season's started. Let Orioles Hangout help you get back in the swing of things.

A multi-facated site, Orioles Hangout covers the O's, their farm system, fantasy baseball, and more. Use it to find out the odds of Reimold getting bumped back up to the majors, the projected length of Roberts's stay on the DL, or just the score from tonight's game.

If, however, you want something with a little more detail and many fewer pictures, check out Oriole Post.

A blog dedicated, primarily to the O's and the MLB, which has great game analysis and regular updates on changes in the clubhouse.

Lastly, Tex and I would like to remind you all that baseball is supposed to be fun, so enjoy these links to sites that are certainly having fun with it:

The Daily Camden is a sort of online photo archive run by Welcome to Baltimore, Hon!, and featuring, you guessed it, beautiful and unique pictures of Camden Yards.

If you've been anywhere near Baltimore in the past 2 years you know who Matt Wieters is. The day he came up from the minors was something akin to a state holiday, which some clever people capitalized on when they put together Matt Wieters Facts, which is not only hysterical in its own right, but also sells some pretty incredible shirts (I just saw someone wearing this one at the game on Sunday).

Now, anyone who knows me can tell you that I don't speak Twitter, like even a little. I don't understand the whole # thing, and frankly I think half the tweets I see are like 90% unreadable, but that doesn't stop these two from being totally hysterical. The first is along the same lines as Matt Wieters Facts, FakeMattWieters is still super-Twittery, (seriously, are there conversations actually going on via Twitter? Wouldn't email be easier? Yes, I'm 95, thanks for noticing) but his 11 Commandments and commentary on other O's players are nothing short of fantastic.

Now in real life I'm sure Peter Angelos isn't nearly as awful as the semi-demonic man I sometimes imagine him to be (seriously, anyone who charges that little for tickets can't be all bad), but that doesn't stop UnPeterAngelos from being the most consistantly hysterical Twit-thing out there (sorry, Tex). Slightly more, ah, refined than FakeMattWeiters and infinitely more readable, UnPeterAngelos is bitingly funny and probably not totally inaccurate. At the very least I'm pretty sure the real Peter Angelos would agree with UnPeterAngelos's Mo'Money Mo'Problems background.

We'll see you at Yard.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

maryland, my maryland

As Baltimore poet Ogden Nash once wrote, 'The [Kentucky] Derby is a race of aristocratic sleekness, for horses of birth to prove their worth to run in the Preakness.' Here at TCKiT we couldn't agree more, and definitely hold the second leg of the Triple Crown in highest regard (in spite of the Maryland Jockey Club's consistent efforts to screw the whole thing up), so Tex and I are gonna give you a crash course in Preakness before we head out to Pimlico to enjoy the newly reinstated alcohol policy.

First thing you need to know is post time. The running of the 135th Preakness Stakes begins at exactly 6.18pm on NBC, don't forget to look for us in the infield.

Next we're gonna point you in the direction of ESPN's (slightly dated) rundown of the Preakness and what you need to know if you plan to be in attendance.

Lastly, we'll throw in an entertaining, though perhaps not so flattering, post about last year's infield BYOB-ban from With Leather, a sports blog I sort of love even though the general tenor of the place is pretty Bmore-hostile.

We'll see you at the races.

Friday, May 14, 2010

this is the life

Yesterday Tex and I hooked you guys up with some credible, on-the-ground news sources, and today we're gonna continue in that vein by pointing you in the direction of some of our favorite young bloggers and Baltimore social commentators.

First up is Bohs and O's.

Written primarily by a group of guys we probably all danced with at one middle school mixer or another, Bohs and O's is an entertaining assemblage of opinions that touch on just about every aspect of (young) life in Baltimore. Admittedly, there are some days when it's a little Bro-heavy, but on the whole it's more or less delightful (and it's also the original home of our TCKiT favorites survey).

Insane Baltimore is written by another Baltimore-based blogger with a biting sense of humor. Updated whenever inspiration strikes (which we here at TCKiT find highly relatable), Insane Baltimore is full of entertaining observations about that special kind of crazy that's just accepted here in Charm City. The thing I love most about this blog is that every time I read it I find myself feeling totally vindicated and full of hope that qualities like 'perspective' and 'common sense' are not, in fact, things of the past. A hope that's usually extinguished the second I happen onto one of The Sun's message boards.

And last, but certainly not least, is our most focused blog of the day:

Baltimore Beer Guy is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: a blog run by a Baltimore beer enthusiast (and kindred spirit if ever I've seen one). Full to the brim with well-written posts on bars, restaurants, Maryland-based breweries, pub crawls, and the like, Baltimore Beer Guy is a fantastic resource on all things boozy and Maryland.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

the smart set

Baltimore is home to a surprisingly rich literary tradition: from the riots in the summer of 1812 centered around our 1st Amendment right to a free press (which also earned us the loving moniker Mobtown), to newspaperman and all around critic H.L. Mencken, the people of Baltimore have always loved expressing themselves. The golden age of journalism might be past, but Baltimore is home to plenty of verbose bloggers who can tell you all about the ins and outs of our city; um, you know, other than us.

Welcome to Baltimore, Hon! is a self-described virtual scrapbook of Baltimore curated by Charm City natives and featuring everything from local news to photo contests.

Baltimore Skyline is a similarly structured blog - giving a more personal voice to the local news, be it wonderful, awful, or just plain strange.

For a more direct link to all things Baltimore and newsy check out Inside Charm City.

Inside Charm City posts, verbatim, breaking news, press releases, interviews, and the like so you can get the story straight from the horse's mouth.

Lastly we have Baltimore Brew, a serious minded blog devoted to reporting news that the more traditional press tends to ignore.

The best part about these blogs is that so many of them invite reader participation. Got a great picture from Honfest? There's probably a home for it on Welcome to Baltimore, Hon! Wanna blog about life on the rough streets of Ruxton? Get in touch with Baltimore Brew and see if they'll give you your own neighborhood beat. You get the idea. The world is full of possibilities, so get out there and get heard.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

maryland is for crabs

Maryland is home to so many wonderful things: Tex & Coda, the Naval Academy, those lovable O's, and of course, blue crab. No matter what lies biologists and the Discovery Channel tell you, the blue crab really is the only one worth knowing, or eating.

In that light, allow us to direct you to The Crab Guy, a blogger who, as his name implies, writes all about those delectable crustaceans native to the Chesapeake and how best to prepare them. He even has detailed instructions on how to pick crabs so you'll look like a native even if you're not.

If however, you're one of those people (and Coda is not) who prefers crab cakes to picking your own, then check out The Crab Cake Guy and find out how to make them right. By the way, making them right will not include a fryer. Ever.

If you'd like to take a more scientific approach to learning about crabs and the Bay head on over to Bay Daily, a blog about environmental issues relating to the Chesapeake and her watershed.

Lastly, check out out this BBC article about a lonely little Sally who washed up in Cornwall.

And now that you know your back fin from your apron, get out there and make the watermen proud.

Monday, May 10, 2010

home is where the heart is

And for Tex and Coda, that's Baltimore. So we've decided to dedicate Preakness week to our beloved Charm City: all week we'll be pushing our favorite Baltimore sites and blogs, drinking heavily in anticipation of Saturday, and just generally enticing those of you who aren't fortunate enough to live here to come join the party. And, because we're so delightful we could probably talk you into just about anything, we're gonna prepare you for your inevitable visit by starting things off with a survey of our Bmore favorites (hoisted right off one of our favorite Baltimore blogs - to be named later - and edited to our exacting standards) as well as a quick link to an article in The Sun explaining the unique Mid-Atlantic culture to all you confused northerners and southerners out there.

TCKiT favorites:

Favorite Dive Bar?

◦ Tex: Windsor Inn
◦ Coda: John Steven

Favorite Weekend Bar?

◦ Tex: Waterfront Hotel
◦ Coda: Max's

Favorite Weekday Bar?

◦ Tex: XS
◦ Coda: CVP

Best Cheap Eats?

◦ Tex: Shane's Sub Shop, or Hot Tomatoes in Fells Point
◦ Coda: Towson Hot Bagels

Best Coffee?

◦ Tex:
◦ Coda: Rosina Gourmet

Favorite Breakfast?

◦ Tex: Miller's Delicatessen
◦ Coda: Miss Shirley's for breakfast, Little Havana for brunch

Favorite Lunch?

◦ Tex: Lexington Market: the soft crab sandwiches with mustard
◦ Coda: Iggy's

Favorite Dinner?

◦ Tex: tie between crabs on the porch and anything at The Ambassador
◦ Coda: crabs in the yard, or Nacho Mama's

Best View of the City?

Though we both agree that view from 395 N is nothing short of a religious experience we thought it'd be best to add a little variety, so:

◦ Tex: From the observation deck at the top of the World Trade Center in Baltimore - preferably at night
◦ Coda: From the deck of the Pride of Baltimore II

Best Golf Course?

◦ Tex: Forest Park
◦ Coda: BCC

Best Dance Club?

◦ Tex: Coburn's in O'Donnell Square
◦ Coda:

Favorite Summertime Walk?

◦ Tex: Around Druid Park Hill Lake, in late afternoon
◦ Coda: Harborwalk

Favorite Winter Hangout?

◦ Tex: Mount Washington Tavern
◦ Coda: Hamilton Tavern

All-time Favorite Oriole?

◦ Tex: Koji Uehara
◦ Coda: Brooks Robinson

All-time Favorite Raven?

◦ Tex: Ray Rice
◦ Coda: Terrell Suggs

Favorite Baltimore Musician?

◦ Tex: Tupac
◦ Coda: Billie Holiday

Favorite Baltimore Book?

◦ Tex: Dinner at the Homesick Cafe, Anne Tyler
◦ Coda: The Dawn's Early Light, Walter Lord

Most Hated Active Athlete

◦ Tex:
◦ Coda: Sidney Crosby

Thursday, May 6, 2010

the examined life (worth living)

We make a lot of jokes here at TCKiT, about hipsters and sweaters and drinks made with MD 20/20, but today let's do something different. In fact, let's do something nice.

1. First up are the TED talks, and if you don't know them, then you should. The most brilliant, innovative, interesting, coolest people ever to live in our modern world get on stage with just a microphone, a powerpoint and 5 - 15 minutes to rock your world.

Among the better-known honorees: Bill Clinton, Isabelle Allende, Bill Gates, Frank Gehry, Robert Ballard, Richard Branson, Richard Dawkins, Jared Diamond, Dave Eggers, Jane Goodall, Malcolm Gladwell, Brian Greene, Stephen Hawking...get the idea?

2. Second to these are the videos at Stock Exchange of Visions. These are to the TED talks as the iPad is to a laptop - short, sweet, stylish, and to the point (if lacking in details). Great minds get on video and talk for 30 seconds or so about their view for the planet - some
times bewildering, sometimes brilliant, sometimes eccentric, but always interesting. And if you don't know one of the speakers, google them - you just might learn something.

3. Once your mind's been sufficiently blown, wander on over to WorldChanging and learn a little something about sustainability.

4. Now if you're inclined towards the esoteric and transcendental, then make a stop over at EnlightenNext. It's sort of like if Carl Sagan gave a talk at Esalen and Dan Millman sat in the audience, asking questions. Translation: this site & magazine are always interesting - if not always orthodox. Oh, and they get bonus points for this post.

5. So I know what you're thinking. Less talk, more world-changing paradigm shifts. Well, I'm glad you said something. Go on and check out kiva, a website - nay, community - where you can offer microloans to global entrepreneurs who are big on ideas, but low on collateral. Got $25? Well, that's all it takes. Find a person, find a place, and give a little bit. The best part? You greedy motherf----ers get it back.

Now, never one to forget the classics, I'm also going to direct you to a few more opportunities to Do Something Nice for a Change:

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

love story

Gather 'round the fire (air conditioner), kids, it's story time. Today we'll be tracing the trajectory of a relationship, and not one of those happily-ever-after relationships, either. Save that for the NY Girl of Your Dreams. No, no, this is the story of all those other relationships, the ones that crash and burn. So, as with all stories, we begin at the beginning:

Awful First Dates.

Remember that trauma-rama section of Seventeen? The one with all those horror stories from every day life that you totally loved reading because trauma is really funny when it's happening to other people? Well, that's pretty much the gist of Awful First Dates. People write brief summaries of their terrible romantic mishaps and then you can vote on just how terrible (or not) it really was.

If, however, the first date isn't the worst thing ever, maybe you'll take the next step and settle into a relationship. Possibly with someone who's not really hot enough for you, like these (obviously doomed) couples who've put their pictures up on Can Do Better, where people will vote on which member of the relationship is hotter, or call it a perfect match if their hotness is equivalent. Because equal levels of attractiveness = perfect happiness. Everyone knows that.

Once the relationship you've posted on Can Do Better has failed (and it will if you've posted it there) head on over to Breakup Goods which is basically a flea market consisting entirely of all the belongings your ex didn't take with him.

Sick of looking at his collection of Bob Dylan vinyls? Tired of hiding her chick flicks every time the guys come over? Breakup Goods is where you need to be. And if a little something up there happens to catch your eye? Well...why not profit from someone else's misfortune?

And then of course come those twinges of regret.

A little time passes and you start missing your ex, or, more likely, your ex starts missing you and embarrassing words someone will never be able to take back are committed to paper. To stop yourself from being the foolish one, or to revel in the embarrassment of others, check out Letters From a Month Later which publishes letters, emails, IM conversations from exes (or in some cases never-weres) who've shared all kinds of feelings they undoubtedly regretted the second they pressed send. And they take submissions, so if you can unearth that 28 page letter your high school boyfriend sent you go ahead and send it in - though if the one you got is anything like the one I did, you could probably just cut it down to the religiously inappropriate disclaimer and save everyone a lot of time.

Ain't love grand?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

viva hate

Well kids, it's been a pretty awful 24 hours: the Caps lost, the O's can't seem to win more than 2 games together, and I'm about 30 seconds from ending one of my co-workers. But it looks like the worst might be behind me now: I cut off all my hair, that Rascal Flatts song isn't stuck in my head anymore (but it might be stuck in yours, sucka), and Tex is back! More than back, actually, she and I are doing our very first joint post, and it's on a subject very near and dear to our hearts: hating on hipsters.

First on the menu: Hipster Wife Hunting.

Don't worry, it's just as gross as it sounds. American Apparel wearing girls put up personal ads telling everyone why they'd make the perfect hipster wife in hopes of meeting their douchey soulmate. I know, I know, it sounds like there is no upside to a site this obnoxious, but, as it turns out, after a really tough day some aggressive hipster hating is just the ticket to turn things around.

And now for something we hope you'll really like:

Unhappy Hipsters is a consistently hilarious blog that takes hipsterific pictures from magazines like Dwell and gives them captions illustrating the crushing loneliness that comes with wearing all that flannel and only drinking PBR (even though you can totally afford better). Turns out the hipster life is hard - good thing it's so funny for the rest of us.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Hipsters A-Go-Go

Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up to the blog. Yes, kiddos, Texas is back, and better than ever before, filling your life with light and happiness and awful, awful hipsters.

1. First up: the good, the bad, and the ugly at Look at this fucking hipster.

Started with facebook photos, expanded into an empire, the site lambasts hipsters like it's going out of style. Which it never will.

2. Once you've taken that in, cleanse your palate and amuse yourself over at Hipster Puppies.
It's about exactly what it sounds like - hipster puppies (Not pupsters. Never pupsters.) - in all shapes and colors. It's cute and clever, and makes you less terrified for the state of today's youth.

Now, while you're doing all this hipster research, you're probably going to want a stiff drink. Well, this isn't one, but it might get you laid at the kind of parties where people debate Eliott Smith. So enter Texas' latest truck stop drink creation:

The Hipster Roofie Slammer

One part PBR, one part blackberry pomegranate juice, a scoop of lemon sorbet gelato and a sprinkle of anathemic self-obsession and you've got it! Here, look, I've made a diagram:




Oh, the ladies are just going to love this one.

Psst. Guys. Want to know a secret? Tex and Coda fucking hate hipsters.

pencil thin mustache

You know what doesn't get nearly enough appreciation, at least as far as facial hair goes? Mustaches. Sure, I might only feel this way because I've just come off a 2 day Jimmy Buffett bender (with a splash of Zac Brown Band - Crossroads is secretly the greatest show ever) but I'm inclined to think it's genuine. So genuine, in fact, that I'm devoting an entire post to this most illustrious of facial hair incarnations.

The World Beard & Mustache Championships is a biennial event where men with seriously impressive facial hair compete against one another for the recognition they so rightfully deserve. Browse through the event's history (apparently it's shrouded in controversy), look for upcoming events, read up on the competing teams, or click through to the Team USA website and bask in the glow of the world's new facial hair super power. And there's no need to walk away empty handed, the WBMC has an online store.

After looking at all those waxed wonders it'd be totally understandable if you wanted to try to import some of that magic into your own life. Sure, sure, not everyone can actually grow a mustache impressive enough to make Snidely Whiplash weep, but you can definitely e-vandalize your own pictures so it looks that way. iStache is a fun little program designed for Mac users by the same brilliant minds who brought you Bullet. One free download and you'll be able to decorate all your pictures with any of iStache's preloaded lip rugs.

Wonderful though it is, iStache's 10 options can be quite limiting, so if you've found that to be the case and want to explore a few more options head on over to Lord Likely's Exra-Ordinary Inter-Active Mustache-O-Rama. Choose from one of about 36 impressive, and inappropriately named, mustaches and use them to decorate the disapproving portrait of Lord Likely.

If, however, you're one of our readers who can grow facial hair, why not do it now, for a good cause? The Caps (and, I suppose, the rest of the NHL) have invited their fans to be part of a playoff tradition.
The Beard-a-Thon gives you two ways to support Washington Capitals Charities: either create a profile and collect pledges while growing a beard yourself; or go online and choose a friend, player, or stranger who's participating and make a donation on their behalf. They also have a build-a-beard option which, in addition to looking a lot like the Lord Likely's of beards, lets women and prepubescent boys gather pledges of their own by Growing One for the Team online. Soul patches not accepted.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

new workout plan

As my grandfather so wisely told me one day: real friends don't make you exercise. Unfortunately that sage advice came too late, as one of my friends, we'll call her Beelzebub, had already talked me into running a half marathon with her, and I was, at that point, only one week from said race. Why tell you this story? To warn you, dear friends, to steer clear of false friends trying to kill you under the guise of 'helping you live longer' or some such nonsense. If, however, you've already fallen victim to your own Beelzebub, and need some help staying on track, well, I suppose I'm here to help.

Habit Forge is a handy little site that'll let you lay out your goals (stop biting nails, run 3 miles, etc) and then email you, every day, for 21 days asking you if you've completed your goal for the day. If you say no the clock resets until you've succeeded for 21 days straight. After 21 successive days of success Habit Forge'll give you the option to continue monitoring your progress through them or to become accountable for your newly forged habit yourself.

If said new habit involves running, and the worst ones always seem to, I'd suggest taking advantage of the beautiful weather and going outside while the humidity's still low and the thermometer's still under 90 degrees. Enter Map My Run.

Map My Run will, as the name implies, keep an online map of your own personal, preferred route which you can then share with friends or keep on file so you don't forget it during your winter months with the treadmill. It'll also let you search other people's suggested runs (there's a great one from Fells to Fed Hill if you happen to live in Charm City) so you can branch out, take in a change of scenery, or even start running longer distances. Generally speaking, Map My Run is really a one-stop-e-running-shop that will, among other things, help you track your caloric intake if you're working towards a big race, keep a training log, or get encouragement from other runners.

Also handy if you've just begun running but have no specific race in mind?

Marathon Guide is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: a list of races all over the world; as well as links to training guides, message boards, and news from events all over. You can even use it to check results of the races you or your friends have run. Use Marathon Guide as an all-inclusive resource that'll help you choose which race to do and get you headed on the right track training-wise.

If you're thinking of training outside, you should probably check the weather before you go, and who better to give you a weather report than our Commander-in-Chief himself?
Obama Weather is a clear, concise weather site that tells you the temperature for the each day of the week, the weather, and features our President dressed in weather-approperate clothing. Lots of snow on the way? Obama'll be wearing a heavy parka with gloves and a hat. Sunny and 85? Expect to see the leader of the free world in aviators and a tshirt. However, if you live in New England don't bother looking to our nation's president for answers - it seems the folks over at Obama Weather don't believe in New England any more than I do . They must be O's fans. Bonus: If you wake up one day feeling like Mr President just isn't cutting it, you can change him to Bender, Ashton Kutcher, Bruce Lee, Dr House, or Angelina Jolie - who could ask for anything more?

Monday, April 5, 2010

partie traumatic

Well kids, it appears that Spring has finally sprung, which means that the Caps are in the playoffs and we O's faithful are high on believing that this will be the year which marks our return to former glory. And what better way to celebrate the passing of the vernal equinox than by throwing a party, or at the very least a rowdy BeerBQ?

Need a little inspiration? Or perhaps just something to aspire to? Check out Keggers of Yore.

Keggers of Yore is an online collection of old party pictures, and not just any party pictures, monumental party pictures. The kind Homer would've written epic poetry about. From dorm room drinking sessions and small gatherings to huge outdoor fiestas, Keggers of Yore is the world's single greatest photo collection of old-timey people making jackasses of themselves. The best part? Keggers of Yore takes submissions, so if your grandfather had a legendary keg stand you can share it with the world. And hey, maybe one day your grandkids will submit pictures of you and all your jackass friends.

Or if you'd like to hurry that process along...use Poladroid.

Just one quick, free, download and you'll be able to turn any image into a Polaroid; just drag, drop, and wait for your photo to develop. Or if you're the impatient type, and I am, just shake the image to hurry the process along. Once it's finished you can save it to a pre-selected file (go to Preferences to choose where the images go) and trick those Keggers of Yore bastards into posting your picture while you're still young and stupid enough to think it's cool.

And, as with any party, you'll need some sweet tunes, so head over to stereomood.

Think of it as an emotion/situation-based Pandora. Just click on one of the proffered playlists or type a keyword into the search field and they'll come up with something for you.

So, to review: you have inspiration, you have a creative form of documentation, and a ton of prefab playlists, all you need now is beer.