Monday, November 26, 2007

How do I get there from here?

So I'm back in CSTX, and you're back in wherever the hell you are, and to celebrate, I'm going to spend my morning sleeping, and my afternoon thinking of ways for us to get the f--- out of here. So here's how you can help:

First of all, go here:

And read this article: Our Favorite Islands.

Note: The price on the first island made me cry. To compensate, I had to take a minute to browse Young Money and quietly forget the fact that my degree is in environmental science.

Then, spend some time wandering around here:

And put that B-level required geography class to use playing:

Afterwards, you will probably be feeling worldly and accomplished. Share your self-congratulatory narcissism with others at the following:

The name is only the tip of the disdain. If things get too mature and grammatically correct for you, you can check out:

Another user-generated content site with reviews of cities, bars, nightclubs, barbershops, pet psychiatrists, and any other frivolous s--- you might possibly want to have.

But if, at the end of the day, you are like me, stuck for six more months in the middle of f---ing nowhere, then at least you can amuse yourself with this:

It's a website where you can post a question which will get asked to 500 people across the globe. It's like an insta-sample of public opinion. Well, almost. Anyway, it's kind of like traveling. Sort of. In your head. Look, just go read some Bill Bryson and get off my back. Texas needs to mix herself a drink.

P.S. There's a cold one in it for whoever can identify the source of this post's title.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Required Reading #2

Well, people, Cracked has done it again. Following up the salience and sharp satire of The Monkeysphere, please find this article, posted below for your approval:

Well-written little piece to put things in perspective.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Do something nice for a change.

It's fast, it's easy, and brilliantly, it's fun. Play a word game, get free rice. You can test your knowledge and make a cost-free donation to charity all at once. Don't be prick, just go ahead and do it. Kill some time doing something nice for a change, instead of reading about why Britney should lose her kids for the millionth time.
(Editor's Note: Go Team Child Protective Services!)

Come on. You know your parents didn't pay for that liberal-arts education for nothing.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Love & Happiness

Alright, people. It's a sad, lonely, cold world out there, and me and Duckie get depressed reading all your facebook pages. So, to help ease your suffering and stop the incessant pathetic status updates, we've compiled a sexy list of three better ways you could waste your time whining online:

Crazy Blind Date is the brainchild of the people who brought you OK Cupid!, a semi-interesting internet dating site that stands out in the sea of online hookupery only due to its entertaining quizzes which tell people more about you.

With Crazy Blind Date, you sign up for a crazy blind date with someone from your area - you don't get to read profiles, you don't get to see pictures, you don't get to spend countless hours agonizing over whether or not you should even be doing this (well, actually, you do. they haven't fixed that part yet). You just show up, show your face, and have a real nice time. It could either go horribly or really, really well. Ultimately, it all depends.

If you're less adventurous but just as lonely, you can try WooMe, a new online speed-dating site that requires a webcam to join. No more wondering whether the person you're talking to is secretly 45, ugly, fat, or only halfway a man! You get five dates in five minutes, and initial reviews look decent. WooMe is still in beta testing, but if you're absolutely desperate for an invite, you can go to Tech Crunch and see if they'll give you one.

Last but not least, if you're both lonely and have a crippling (or not, to you) superiority complex, check out Intellect Connect, a site that is exactly what it sounds like. It's a place for snooty kind-of-cute-in-a-dorky-way people like yourself to put up a profile, meet other smarties, and chat. It offers profiles with such questions as "What is your favorite literary work?" and has about a thousand girls who think they most resemble Elizabeth Bennett. Thanks, again, Jane.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Awesome Blog (tm) of the Week

Also, a bonus, because I found this site and realized I'd denied you too long:

City Mama, a site which is fun, I guess, if you have kids, but pretty awesome if you don't. CityMama puts up delicious and easy-to-make recipes intended to fit the schedule of a city mom. This makes them ideal for those of us too lazy to want to cook for real. It's kind of like having an older sister who teaches you stuff but never asks you to babysit her smelly kids. Nice. Now eat your vegetables before I slap you and turn this car around. I don't care how you did it at your place, this is my house now.

So then I says to Mabel, I says....

Social networking is the theme of the day, people, and with that in mind, I'm bringing you three massively cool sites which are sure to thrill and tittilate. Is that how you spell tittilate? titilate? ttitttilatte? titillate? titalte? Whatever, it gets your nips hard.

First up:, a site so similar to an awkward conversation with your great aunt that you can only imagine it would suck the shine off a steering wheel. However, an idea that sounds incredibly lame (anyone can log in and make their guesses about the weather) actually ends up being pretty cool. You can predict the weather, share what you're going to wear today, and share with others in the ridicule of that asshole in shorts in New York in November. Awesome.

Now, sounding cool but actually turning out really lame? Twitter, a social networking site that lets you write mini-blogs (basically just an expanded version of the facebook status) at every minute of the day to let your needy friends/creepy exes/horny coworkers know exactly what you are doing, thinking, and feeling, right now. But hey, maybe you like being the star of an emotional burlesque. Yeah, no, that's like, totally fine.

Ah, ok, that's better. Next up is This Next, a really cool user-generated site that puts together what's new and sexy the world around. Mostly it's about stuff to buy, like this awesome Pistol Hair Dryer, but click around a bit and you might find some cool ideas for other stuff as well. Love the site, love the design. Love this free Nutella sample I'm eating. That's right. Be jealous. I'm just living the dream.

He found her!!!


Wednesday, November 7, 2007's love!

OK, so you'll soon figure out that I am a sucker for a love story, especially when it's as cute as this one. Guy sees girl on the 5 train subway car; guy misses girl; guy can't stop thinking about girl; guy makes a website to find girl. It's only one page, but check it out. It was enough to melt my cold cold heart...for about five minutes or so. Back to work, bitches!