For those who aren't yet aware, Baltimoreans love parties. Balls, galas, concerts, beer gardens, festivals - despite our choleric reputation, we are a people who love merriment in all its curious forms, at all times, and with even the thinnest of excuses.
So, naturally, when an actual holiday with actual cause for celebration comes along, we celebrate it the only way we know how: by exploiting a loophole in the law that lets us do what we want.
Yes, this curious state of affairs surrounding New Year's Eve in Baltimore comes because our forward-thinking forebears in the great city had their grand-kids' well-being in mind when they decided that bars should not be forced to close at the monastic hour of 2 am on the most celebratory night of the year. Reinterpretation of that law means that bars in Baltimore open at 8 pm on December 31st, and stay open until 2 am on January 2nd. Hell. Yes.
Now, Coda being the nationless jackal that she is, will be ditching town for NYE to spend the weekend researching for her Gossip Girl fanfiction up in the Big Apple. I, being as loyal and devoted as Greyfriar's Bobby, will remain in the city.
But, dear reader, then what? After all is said and done, will Coda and I languish in a post-holidays haze, emerging only to demand "More porkchops!" before re-attaching ourselves to a drip tube of homemade HRS until the spring thaw? Will we become increasingly desperate for Hot Tomatoes pizza and draft at Max's, yet fearfully remain in our snuggie cocoons, awaiting Snowmaggedon II? Of course not - we're Marylanders, and we have more pride than that.
Instead, Coda and I will be spending the upcoming snowy month in various degrees of participation/physical removal/heckling at the following events:
#1: Baltimore Winter Restaurant WeekWhy? Because Food + Beer = Happy Tex & Coda
#2: the Maryland State Police Polar Bear Plunge
Why? Because aren't we forever telling you to do something nice for a change?
#3: Baltimore Claywork's Mad Hatters Tea Party
Why? Because if there is ever an excuse to wear a crazy hat in public, a Baltimorean will take it.
And if all of this happiness has your emo side begging for release, do something very Baltimorean and emerge from your winter malaise just long enough to keep vigil at midnight for the Poe toaster - he left us in 2009, but some still hope he may return...