Wednesday, December 24, 2008

cold weather blues

Well friends, it's Festivus, which means the holiday season is winding down fast and pretty soon you'll be fighting off the dreary days of January while counting down the seconds till Spring. However, if the thought of facing all that snow is already giving you cabin fever - fear not, as masters of procrastination we here at TCKiT are ready to pass on to you some of our time-wasting wisdom.

Ridicule and Oregon Trail are two of my favorite things, I devoted hours to them as a child, and now some brilliant person has taken the best part of the latter (hunting, obvi), combined it with all of the former, and created a hunting trip with would-be VP Sarah Palin; together you take aim at (endangered) wild game on the Alaskan tundra and get points for everything you kill, it's really a thing of beauty. Just be sure you don't accidentally hit the little McCains who appear from behind trees because that'll cost you points. If you get tired of playing, addicting games (the parent site) has plenty of other equally inappropriate alternatives to help you fill your time.

Ever since a friend of mine began using an internet dating service we've all been helping her think of answers to the questions potential hookups use to sound each other out. My personal favorite was trying to help her figure out which celebrity would play her in a movie of her own life. I didn't know about this site then, but if I had it would have saved me a painstaking search though IMDb's catalogue of blondes.
While I'm sure it can do many great and amazing things, myhertiage is a personal favorite because it lets me upload pictures of me and my friends and then tells me which celebrities we look most like. Your results will change from picture to picture as well, and it's fun to see how a different haircut or angle can completely change the outcome, though I'd imagine going from Audrey Hepburn to Nick Nolte is probably just a lesson on what to avoid. Myhertiage also has a feature called celebrity morph that creates a video of your transformation into said celebrity. Sort of like The Swan but without all the heartbreak, pain, and skin-crawling visuals.

Would you prefer to see how you measure up in a less stomach-churning way? The baby name wizard's got you covered.
The baby name wizard tracks the 100 most popular baby names in the United States by year, going back to the '60s. Besides the pretty pink (or blue) map showing the name's current popularity status, it also graphs the name's popularity over the years by region, the state's political leanings, economic status, and population density. Trust me, hours (or at least half hours at a time) are filled comparing your name's popularity to that of your siblings, friends, favorite celebrities, etc.

As always with TCKiT, please use these sites responsibly, and by 'responsibly' I mean don't get caught playing Hunting with Palin at work/in class/on the subway causing you to get fired/thrown out/miss your stop, respectively. I hope this helps stave off your Cold Weather Blues, and happy holidays from Charm City.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

'Twilight' is terrible.

Texas likes to spare you pain. Texas likes to spare you suffering. And thus, dear reader, Texas would like to spare you 'Twilight.'
If you've been thinking of caving in to (ex) friends and/or (not so) loved ones who would like you to go see this film, let me save you your $8.00 and tell you everything you need to know right here:

I give it a grade of...... F-minus.

I'm not going to summarize the movie for you, because every single other site on the internet has done that. Instead, I'm just going to let you know: 'Twilight' is terrible.
The acting sucks, the lighting is that stupid gray wash (which I thought we had all moved past, Film Industry), the dialogue is stilted and awkward, the premises are unbelievable (200 years old, immense wealth and unlimited power and the vampires choose to repeat high school? Really?), and the overt abstinence messages are disingenuous and insulting in their delivery.
I want my money back.*

*Actually, I don't - I live in the middle of nowhere, and I brought my lunch with me to the theater, so all in all, it was a pretty cheap place to sit and text without anybody hassling me for two hours ($3.50 a ticket). Cheaper than getting a coffee at Starbucks.

1. Check out's writeup for a 12-minute version of this 120 minute movie:
If 'Twilight' was 10 Times Shorter and 100 Times More Honest.

2. Get a more intellectual analysis by reading PSA's:
'Twilight' Sucks...And Not In A Good Way.

3. If you still want MORE like the ravenous vegetarian beast that you are, you can check out the Wiki plot summaries of each book here:

First Book: Twilight

Second Book: New Moon

Third Book: Eclipse

Fourth Book: Breaking Dawn

4. Last but not least, give my hometown a shout-out by reading their own dire review:
Action in 'Twilight' has no fangs

At this point, you will be a TCKiT Twilight Scholar (tm), and call tell everyone who invites you to see this movie to bite you. Not literally.