Friday, December 7, 2007

Invite Only

OK, so it's been way too long since I last updated this site, and I have been informed by Duckie that without it, the world has been angry and cold. So here you go, a little something to make you feel extra-special on this (not here, but probably where you are) snowy Friday.

First up:

I got Hulu about two weeks ago, and I have been on it nonstop since. It's like all you see or sidereel - a site where you can watch full episodes of TV shows online - but it's awesome and better. Actually, it's worse, in the fact that there are occasional commercials in these (they're short), but it's better in that it's legit, it's easy, and it's really great quality. Go to the site, sign up for the beta, and in about two weeks you'll get an email telling you it's time to join. A bit of a wait, but totally worth it.


HauteLook is a clever site with an only semi-clever name. It's an invite-only online sample sale site, and unless I hate you or you hate fashion, you've probably already got an invite in the email from me. If not, run over there, sign up, and get 'em while they're hot (and free).

After you are done, go to:

This is that online speed dating website I told y'all about. Well, I signed up, and I went on a WooDate, and it was actually a lot of fun! Being able to see someone talk and move and make weird facial expressions and eat hot-pockets are, it turns out, kind of important to the whole building-relationships human experience, and WooMe manages to make it fun, non-creepy, and very laid back. I recommend you join before a bunch of weirdos do. Although, actually, you can check out the photos of people in your WooMe session long before you're expected to actually show up, so you can screen for creepsters("uggos" sensu Duckie).

By now, you are probably really interested in creating a mixtape, to tell the world of your glory and famous pursuits. To do so, join up here:

And make the world do your happy dance!

Once your Super Hits Hanson/Wu-Tang/Hall and Oates mixtape hits the pop charts, you will probably want to broadcast it here:

It's a little unimaginative, the whole personal internet radio station thing, but Jango is particularly easy to use, accurate, and highly fun. You go. You go, Glen Coco.

By this point, your creative juices will probably be leaking all over the carpet. Why not let them fall onto some internet blank canvas and make yourself cool?

With DripBook, the coolest little online sketchpad on the net. Maybe you can post an entire portfolio of your Pollock Paintings and Lite-Brite landscapes here. Yeah, do it. Make yourself some hipster friends.

There'll be more to come, people, but this will be a two-part post. So Sayonara 'til then, suckers. I'm going out for Indian food.

Monday, November 26, 2007

How do I get there from here?

So I'm back in CSTX, and you're back in wherever the hell you are, and to celebrate, I'm going to spend my morning sleeping, and my afternoon thinking of ways for us to get the f--- out of here. So here's how you can help:

First of all, go here:

And read this article: Our Favorite Islands.

Note: The price on the first island made me cry. To compensate, I had to take a minute to browse Young Money and quietly forget the fact that my degree is in environmental science.

Then, spend some time wandering around here:

And put that B-level required geography class to use playing:

Afterwards, you will probably be feeling worldly and accomplished. Share your self-congratulatory narcissism with others at the following:

The name is only the tip of the disdain. If things get too mature and grammatically correct for you, you can check out:

Another user-generated content site with reviews of cities, bars, nightclubs, barbershops, pet psychiatrists, and any other frivolous s--- you might possibly want to have.

But if, at the end of the day, you are like me, stuck for six more months in the middle of f---ing nowhere, then at least you can amuse yourself with this:

It's a website where you can post a question which will get asked to 500 people across the globe. It's like an insta-sample of public opinion. Well, almost. Anyway, it's kind of like traveling. Sort of. In your head. Look, just go read some Bill Bryson and get off my back. Texas needs to mix herself a drink.

P.S. There's a cold one in it for whoever can identify the source of this post's title.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Required Reading #2

Well, people, Cracked has done it again. Following up the salience and sharp satire of The Monkeysphere, please find this article, posted below for your approval:

Well-written little piece to put things in perspective.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Do something nice for a change.

It's fast, it's easy, and brilliantly, it's fun. Play a word game, get free rice. You can test your knowledge and make a cost-free donation to charity all at once. Don't be prick, just go ahead and do it. Kill some time doing something nice for a change, instead of reading about why Britney should lose her kids for the millionth time.
(Editor's Note: Go Team Child Protective Services!)

Come on. You know your parents didn't pay for that liberal-arts education for nothing.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Love & Happiness

Alright, people. It's a sad, lonely, cold world out there, and me and Duckie get depressed reading all your facebook pages. So, to help ease your suffering and stop the incessant pathetic status updates, we've compiled a sexy list of three better ways you could waste your time whining online:

Crazy Blind Date is the brainchild of the people who brought you OK Cupid!, a semi-interesting internet dating site that stands out in the sea of online hookupery only due to its entertaining quizzes which tell people more about you.

With Crazy Blind Date, you sign up for a crazy blind date with someone from your area - you don't get to read profiles, you don't get to see pictures, you don't get to spend countless hours agonizing over whether or not you should even be doing this (well, actually, you do. they haven't fixed that part yet). You just show up, show your face, and have a real nice time. It could either go horribly or really, really well. Ultimately, it all depends.

If you're less adventurous but just as lonely, you can try WooMe, a new online speed-dating site that requires a webcam to join. No more wondering whether the person you're talking to is secretly 45, ugly, fat, or only halfway a man! You get five dates in five minutes, and initial reviews look decent. WooMe is still in beta testing, but if you're absolutely desperate for an invite, you can go to Tech Crunch and see if they'll give you one.

Last but not least, if you're both lonely and have a crippling (or not, to you) superiority complex, check out Intellect Connect, a site that is exactly what it sounds like. It's a place for snooty kind-of-cute-in-a-dorky-way people like yourself to put up a profile, meet other smarties, and chat. It offers profiles with such questions as "What is your favorite literary work?" and has about a thousand girls who think they most resemble Elizabeth Bennett. Thanks, again, Jane.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Awesome Blog (tm) of the Week

Also, a bonus, because I found this site and realized I'd denied you too long:

City Mama, a site which is fun, I guess, if you have kids, but pretty awesome if you don't. CityMama puts up delicious and easy-to-make recipes intended to fit the schedule of a city mom. This makes them ideal for those of us too lazy to want to cook for real. It's kind of like having an older sister who teaches you stuff but never asks you to babysit her smelly kids. Nice. Now eat your vegetables before I slap you and turn this car around. I don't care how you did it at your place, this is my house now.

So then I says to Mabel, I says....

Social networking is the theme of the day, people, and with that in mind, I'm bringing you three massively cool sites which are sure to thrill and tittilate. Is that how you spell tittilate? titilate? ttitttilatte? titillate? titalte? Whatever, it gets your nips hard.

First up:, a site so similar to an awkward conversation with your great aunt that you can only imagine it would suck the shine off a steering wheel. However, an idea that sounds incredibly lame (anyone can log in and make their guesses about the weather) actually ends up being pretty cool. You can predict the weather, share what you're going to wear today, and share with others in the ridicule of that asshole in shorts in New York in November. Awesome.

Now, sounding cool but actually turning out really lame? Twitter, a social networking site that lets you write mini-blogs (basically just an expanded version of the facebook status) at every minute of the day to let your needy friends/creepy exes/horny coworkers know exactly what you are doing, thinking, and feeling, right now. But hey, maybe you like being the star of an emotional burlesque. Yeah, no, that's like, totally fine.

Ah, ok, that's better. Next up is This Next, a really cool user-generated site that puts together what's new and sexy the world around. Mostly it's about stuff to buy, like this awesome Pistol Hair Dryer, but click around a bit and you might find some cool ideas for other stuff as well. Love the site, love the design. Love this free Nutella sample I'm eating. That's right. Be jealous. I'm just living the dream.

He found her!!!


Wednesday, November 7, 2007's love!

OK, so you'll soon figure out that I am a sucker for a love story, especially when it's as cute as this one. Guy sees girl on the 5 train subway car; guy misses girl; guy can't stop thinking about girl; guy makes a website to find girl. It's only one page, but check it out. It was enough to melt my cold cold heart...for about five minutes or so. Back to work, bitches!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Awesome Blog (tm) of the Week

So in keeping with today's apologetic trend of giving you free shit, here's the Awesome Blog of the Week(tm):

Run by Eva the Diva and Menace, Loving the Blacklight is an up-to-the-minute, thorough, and interesting collection of what's new and hot in urban rock, pop, rap, and hip hop music today. An awesome site for gathering up mini-mixtapes (I miss my friendly neighborhood bootlegger now that I live in CSTX/Buttfuck Nowhere), and frequently offers links to download songs, samples, or sometimes, entire albums for free. Get it while it's hot, people! Won't be free for long!

I suck, and so does this blog. But that's ok, 'cuz we've got free stuff!

OK, so for two+ weeks now, I have slacked and been distant, and you have suffered the worst for it, dear blog. I apologize now. As penance, please accept this offer of free shit, from various websites around the internet. I have searched long and hard for these, friends, and placed them here for you:

All You See, the largest and (for me) first free online TV engine. Up in popularity, thanks to the recent disappearance of TV Check here first for your favorite show - it's got a variety of shows, from 10 seasons of The Simpsons to 3 episodes of the 1967 Spiderman. Spend some time, look something up!

And if it's not there, you can check:

Shows for Me, a secondary online repository of television great and awful.

Then, later, after your employer/school IT department/parole officer has disabled your video access, you can always get some cool free stuff from:

Careful internet perusing allows the Bargainist to offer you access to exclusive (or openly advertised) freebies, covering everything from software to baby wipes. Check it out and see what you can get free today!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

FINALLY! I am Cher Horowitz!!

OK, guys, I had to had to had to put this up: remember that scene in Clueless where Cher's getting dressed and she picks out her clothes on her computer? It was the mid 90's and I was like holy shit, that's the coolest thing I've ever seen. Now, you can have that bitch beat. Check this out:

It's an online site where you can put together outfits, upload your clothes, shop and style all in one place. The site's kind of crappy, and it looks pretty new, but holy shit. I mean, holy shit, this is awesome.

Oh, yeah, and this will officially be my #1 Awesome Post of the Month. Keep looking out for more!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

writing is hard. like, hard, man.

Alright, so I've had a one week sabbatical now because it's proposal-writing time. Pretty much every person I've ever known wants a copy of my thesis proposal and they want it now. So I've been writing nonstop, sleeping 4 hours at the time, and quietly crying in front of the departmental coffeemaker.

Fall's a stressful time - time of changes! So here are some things you (and maybe, maybe, one day, me) can do as a little mouse-click woosah:

Remember the Pollock scribbler? Well, this is for those of you who liked the art of creation, but were too OCD and neo-classicist to actually enjoy it.

And this is for you scenesters who were too ironic and self-aware to enjoy either one of those. Here. Go play with a lite-brite.

The IONS Psi Arcade is a bunch of mind-relaxing little fun games you play that were totally created by that one kid with the book at recess who was all "why do we have to throw the ball at each other? why can't we just share its existence?"
They're also supposed to amp up your intuition, which couldn't hurt. Start with the Garden Game.

In conjunction with that, go and chill out listening to some nature sounds. I was all about pretending that the gentle sound of waves rocking me to sleep wasn't getting to me and then suddenly I was thinking about balloons and the Buddha and the peaceful sway of trees in the breeze. Fucking relaxing ass nature.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

hey! that's the thingy for the smart people!

Alright, kids. Enough sexy sex. Time for thinking. Get your workday started off right, with a visit to: is a cool collection of random things to improve your workday, from mind mapping software to cool ass things like the Mp3 Coffee Replacement! That's right, just crank this baby up and apparently, it wakes you up just like a cup o'joe - only without the caffeine crash or crippling starbucks addiction.

Speaking of mind maps, though, which are a pretty flexible and awesome way to organize your thoughts, check out:

Mindmeister is a free (if you do basic, which I did.) online mindmapping system. Just log in, jot down your thoughts, and come back to it at a later time, or on a different computer. I particularly like the zeitengeistenswizzenmeisterken or what the fuck ever widget/button, which basically lets you automatically add a random thought to an open project, or just a blank sheet. Nice.

Then, when all the time you spend on Cracked reading about the top ten worst band names of all time, or making yourself into a superhero, or looking at funny pictures of cats or however you choose to waste your workday starts to feel like...well, like a waste, hop on over to:

The Mensa Workout is a cool smart-making non-time-wasting way to kill an hour or so, and you'll probably feel stupid more than once during the test (fuck Prime Numbers!) but don't worry - it's worth it. You make yourself smarter, you make the world a better place. It's like adding four more people to your monkeysphere.

Monday, October 1, 2007

#1 Required Reading

Alright, people, new fashion: I'm going to post a required reading every month (week?) - just an article or piece that I find that happens to be f---ing awesome. This is one such piece.

What do monkeys have to do with war, oppression, crime, racism and even e-mail spam? You'll see that all of the random ass-headed cruelty of the world will suddenly make perfect sense once we go Inside the Monkeysphere.

alright, alright, settle down

So it's been a few since my last post...honestly, between Stats 651, drinking, and trying to track down my advisor, I've been a bit busy. But don't worry, bitches, you no longer must be lonely and uncool - I'm back!

I assume you all have a virb page, have made superheroes of yourself, cut out snowflakes, read McSweeney, painted like Jack the dripper, and bought yourself a fine-fittin' pair of zafu-recommended jeans. Therefore, friends, today I will broach a topic heretofore untouched among us. Yes, today will be all about the sexy sex.

First up:

Boinkology is a pretty nifty little site run by some pretty smart girls and guys, and it's a very egalitarian place to get your daily sexy-sex tip or article. Not for the kiddies, but generally a pretty tame design.

Second, go read some hilarity/tough advice over at:

Dan Savage writes a weekly sex advice column that also appears in City Paper in Baltimore & D.C.; he's harsh and hysterical and 99% of the time, unapologetically right.



Fourth, take the Sex ID test over at the BBC's science & nature division:

Then spend some time just wandering around the Human Body & Mind section, because honestly? It is a really cool site. Plus you might learn something.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

please, people, talk amongst yourselves

So I spend 64% of my time pretending to be wise, intellectual, and just generally not woefully unprepared for graduate school. However, I spend the other 26% of my time reading gossip blogs and telling people about Brangie's new vacation spot in Cabo. (I spend the other 10% drinking.) Yes, yes, it's true. I am a fucking trash-media junkie. So now that it's all out in the open, I can tell you about four of my favoritest gossip hotspots ever, in obsession order.

1. If People Magazine were the Queen Mother, Hello! was the unceasingly irrelevant girlfriend of whichever son, and UsWeekly was the poor showing of Camilla, Dlisted would take over England, fire them all, and hire on Michael K. to do its writing.

Dlisted is some serious coolness - it's clever, catty, easy on the big words but hard on the pop culture references, it manages to be trashy without seeming trashy, and it's a definitive source for all things Hollywood (and beyond!). It's also an equal opportunity blogger, an attribute disturbingly difficult to come across in this day and age. I honestly had to give up Dlisted one year for Lent. Fuck, that was hard.

2. If Dlisted took over England, Bossip would be the stately black empress calmly reporting on it all. Bossip mixes legitimate news about the black community and you-might-want-to-know tidbits with celebrity gossip, all touched with a pretty gentle hand. Don't expect the profanity-laden boob-ogling you'd get from other sites. A breath of fresh air, and a blog you don't have to feel guilty about reading.

My favorite segment? When The Checks Stop Coming In.

3. Hand in hand with Bossip comes Lossip, a Latin gossip blog with an equal air of class and an equal dosing of real stuff and trash talk.

4. Last, but surely not least, Crunk & Disorderly, another black gossip blog that promises the freshest stuff around. It's hysterical, uncensored, and (most of the time) exactly what you were thinking. It's like sitting next to that one hilariously on-point person who's talking through an incredibly boring show. You can also find here stuff like video and music that Bossip does a little less of. Equally great, and greatly equal. Fuck. There's a cricket in my room. I gotta go.

Monday, September 24, 2007

hahahahhahahaha - no, seriously.

Now me, myself, personally - I like to start my day out with a hearty belly laugh over my morning whiskey. So naturally, these are two of the first sites I turn to:

You may remember Cracked from such childhood grades as 4th, 5th, 6th, or 7th. Then it was gone, a poor rip-off of MAD, drifting away on the breeze and forever gone from our candy-encrusted, easily-distracted minds. Well, bitch is back, and with a vengeance. Re-debuting itself as a more serious political satire, it kept the on-point hilarity and occasional goofiness, while (thank f---in' hell) losing the fart jokes and cheap ads for sea monkey palaces. Whether or not it sticks around is a matter of debate, but enjoy the lighthearted intelligent humor while you can.

Tip: You might want to start here: The 6 Most Over-hyped Threats to America, The State of the Afro: The Best & Worst in Music Today, and The 7 Most Insane Moments from Cable Access TV. You're welcome.

These guys. These guys.These guys. These guys, these guys. These guys are Derrick Comedy, a sketch comedy group that got their start at NYU, and they are f---ing hilarious. A few of the skits (especially the early stuff) is a bit hit-or-miss, but there are a many which are definite comedy classics. And if you like to laugh, well, friend, you better get familiar with them. Start with Bro Rape, move on to Spelling Bee, hit up B-Boy Stance, and then fly free, little birdie! Fly free!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

sweet, sweet music genomics

So today will be all about the music. I've got three awesome sites for you:

Musicovery is a free in-browser music player that can create playlists for you based on mood and genre. It's a great ay to listen to music when you've got internet access, but not much else. It's got a cool, futuristic layout that's really easy to use, a wide variety of music, and a smooth interface. All in all, it's just some really cool shit.

Pandora Internet Radio is the brainchild of the Music Genome Project, a group that seeks to - you guessed it - map the origins, connections, and influences of music and music genres. Here's how this works for you. Pandora plays a song. You like the song? Pandora plays more like it. You no like the song? Pandora tries again. After just a few like/no likes, it gets a pretty good approximation going of the best DJ ever in your life. There's always more work to be done, but the more you play, the more it learns. Give 'er a shot, see what you think.

A little gift for all my Mac friends: Solar Seek is like what N*pster was, before N*pster got big and the searches got filled with porn and bad links and RIAA rambos. If you want music and you want it free, this is your #1 chance at getting what you like.

Tip: Oh, and apparently, there's some kind of corresponding program for non-Mac people. Soul Seek or some other such nonsense.

Free the Music!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Awesome Blog (tm) of the Week

Pippi selects some of the most hideous and unnecessary articles of clothing she can find and presents them for your consideration. Because, as she puts it, "You know what we need in the world? More frivolous sh#t."

My personal favorite? This post.