love story

Gather 'round the fire (air conditioner), kids, it's story time. Today we'll be tracing the trajectory of a relationship, and not one of those happily-ever-after relationships, either. Save that for the NY Girl of Your Dreams. No, no, this is the story of all those other relationships, the ones that crash and burn. So, as with all stories, we begin at the beginning:

Awful First Dates.

Remember that trauma-rama section of Seventeen? The one with all those horror stories from every day life that you totally loved reading because trauma is really funny when it's happening to other people? Well, that's pretty much the gist of Awful First Dates. People write brief summaries of their terrible romantic mishaps and then you can vote on just how terrible (or not) it really was.

If, however, the first date isn't the worst thing ever, maybe you'll take the next step and settle into a relationship. Possibly with someone who's not really hot enough for you, like these (obviously doomed) couples who've put their pictures up on Can Do Better, where people will vote on which member of the relationship is hotter, or call it a perfect match if their hotness is equivalent. Because equal levels of attractiveness = perfect happiness. Everyone knows that.

Once the relationship you've posted on Can Do Better has failed (and it will if you've posted it there) head on over to Breakup Goods which is basically a flea market consisting entirely of all the belongings your ex didn't take with him.

Sick of looking at his collection of Bob Dylan vinyls? Tired of hiding her chick flicks every time the guys come over? Breakup Goods is where you need to be. And if a little something up there happens to catch your eye? Well...why not profit from someone else's misfortune?

And then of course come those twinges of regret.

A little time passes and you start missing your ex, or, more likely, your ex starts missing you and embarrassing words someone will never be able to take back are committed to paper. To stop yourself from being the foolish one, or to revel in the embarrassment of others, check out Letters From a Month Later which publishes letters, emails, IM conversations from exes (or in some cases never-weres) who've shared all kinds of feelings they undoubtedly regretted the second they pressed send. And they take submissions, so if you can unearth that 28 page letter your high school boyfriend sent you go ahead and send it in - though if the one you got is anything like the one I did, you could probably just cut it down to the religiously inappropriate disclaimer and save everyone a lot of time.

Ain't love grand?


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