You know, kids, I had thought there were certain things that we could all just leave unsaid. I had believed that Charla would raise you all well enough in my stead (obviously not as well as I would have myself, but some things simply must be sacrificed. Mummy had to work! It was tennis season, after all. And for what we're paying her - nevermind. It's no one's fault. No one's but Charla's.). I had wrongly dreamed and hoped that our tacit understandings and silent disapproval would be enough to guide you all safely through the horrors of the world outside and into the gentle waters of polite society.
I was wrong.
As your Classics professor (why are you majoring in Philosophy again, darling? We're not that family, cookie, we're simply not. I wouldn't let your sister play the oboe and I won't let you major in Philosophy), Dean, and several rather overexpressive advisors have explained to me in excruciating detail, you simply have no idea how to behave in a civilized nation.
Obviously, I blame myself for this. I should have known that Charla would ruin you. Nonetheless, I am your mother and since I love you madly, I'm going to fix this. If not with time and effort, then at the very least with gobs of money and the following etiquette blogs:
Well-written, well-dressed, and impeccably behaved, I Do Believe's Agony Uncle is our favorite gentleman etiquette blogger. Responding to your complaints on everything from addressing baby shower gift cards to dealing with irritating frat boy friends, read up here for tips on just plain existing as a modern man. Second in this category is:
Equal parts dating and etiquette guide, An English Gentleman advertises itself as "Old world romance tutelage for the modern suitor," and with rare exception, it delivers.
Now, because Tex feels strongly that shame is a crucial part of any proper upbringing, we'd also like to direct your attention towards Etiquette Hell.
A repository of all behaviors shameful and improper, Etiquette Hell is at turns fascinating, witty, hilarious, and horrible. Read and learn, children. Read and learn.
Emily Post's Etiquette Daily is a general blog, but inquiries appear to be directed primarily at young ladies and women; read up here for some classic instruction in anything you might be missing.
But for more thorough instruction - secondary education, if you will - read up on the histories, origins, and etymologies of etiquette at Social Grace in Modern Times. Although a bit more corporate-feeling than the others listed here, it's still a terribly entertaining font of knowledge.
Read, learn, and don't ruin any more of mummy's dinner parties.