football rap

I don't know if you've heard, but football is back! Or, as my brother so eloquently put it: our long national nightmare is over. Which means things here in Charm City are about to get doubly exciting. Not only are the O's fighting for first place in the AL East but the Ravens come back tomorrow to kick off another season of awesome. How best to celebrate this most wonderful time of the year? Online. Obviously.


Start by refreshing your memory of all 32 NFL teams. Even if you don't need the refresher, you're sure to enjoy this rundown of Every NFL Fan in 90 Seconds. It's brilliant, funny, and spot on. I mean, I'm totally the Ray Lewis of my lacrosse team.

Then take a look at what NFL team logos would look like if they were honest.


Thinking of taking in a game at a rival stadium? Don't buy your tickets blind, check out the view from almost any section in just about every stadium ever built on A View From My Seat.

All photos are user submitted and correspond to seating charts provided by the teams themselves. You can even share your own favorite spots in the comments. By the way, if you're thinking of making a playoff trip to Baltimore (let us pray) come visit me in my new sweet spot: section 334.

Already suffering from fantasy football stat fatigue? I hear you. Reignite your love of sabermetrics by falling for Wedded Blitz.

Grantland columnist (and secret friend-crush) Katie Baker does a highly statistical analysis of the New York Times 'Vows' section. Using her patiented NUPTIALS algorithm Baker ranks couples, a month at a time, by how well they fulfill the classic NYT wedding announcement tropes. The result is often equal parts sweet and revolting. Mostly, though, it's just hilarious. And while you're scrolling through the Wedded Blitz archives don't forget to stop by her rundown of the month of April, my neighbor is featured! Sadly the couple's score of 22 on the Society Scoreboard keeps you from reading about their adorable 101 Dalmatians-style meeting, but it's still pretty cool.

While we're still on the subject of love, let's talk about Aaron Rodgers. I know, I know. As recently as last season I was referring to him as the Captain Hook of the NFC North. But you guys, I was so wrong. I mean, not about him looking sort of like Captain Hook, but I was wrong to dismiss him because of it. This is an important lesson: just because someone looks like maybe they're a cartoon pirate doesn't mean they can't be awesome. And Aaron Rodgers is definitely awesome.

Quick history refresher: Rodgers was drafted by the Packers in 2005 to be Brett Favre's backup quarterback. Which was basically like being drafted to sit on the bench. Favre was Green Bay. And apparently, Rodgers knew it. But rather than get all emo about it, it looks like he decided to just enjoy the hell out of his time at Lambeau for however long it lasted. How'd he do that, you might ask? By photobombing all the Captains pictures he could manage from 2006 on. This site documents them all. And since turnabout is fair play, check for one or two that feature Rodgers' teammates getting the better of him. If only all Super Bowl MVPs were so much fun.

And now that we're done with our preseason internet warm up, I guess it's time to grab a Boh and get ready for some football.