The Coolest Kids in Town: a blog about Baltimore, DC, and the misadventures of two-city life.

Well, kids, it's that time of the century again -- Quarantine Time .  What does that mean? Well, for one, it means washing your hands  for a change. That's right -- I've seen your tik toks , you filthy horde. USE SOAP. Now is not the time for your selfishness, your tomfoolery, your flapdoodle, your claptrap, your tommyrut, your fiddle-faddle, your bafflegab, your balderdash, your gallimaufry, your hornswoggling, your malarkey OR your pettifoggery. ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR PETTIFOGGERY. This is a time for all of us to stand up, straighten our spines, and stay the fuck home .  If we can't make the Greatest Generation proud, at least we can make them slightly safer . Let's pay back some of the incredible debt that we owe our elders, many of whom fought hard to make our lives as easy as they are. You've already ruined Grandma's Bastille Day luncheon twenty times over, Christine -- oh, sorry, "KristleBottlez248" -- let's not also ruin her Easte...

Ladies. Gentlemen. Penguins of the Academy. I want to apologize to all of you. Coda and I have failed. We have. We’ve failed you. No, no, we have. We’ve failed you. Don’t interrupt! I said we’ve fucking failed you. Because we had forgotten, in our infinite wisdom, to introduce you to our newest round of Tex’s Truck Stop Drinks . Now I know what you’re thinking: No, we don’t want any more drinks! What do you mean, 'truck stop?’ Who are you guys? How did you get in my house? But those questions aren’t important. What is important? America. Freedom. Liberty. Respect. And the Ray Lewis Locker Room Reacharound . In honor of the fact that the Ravens will now ascend to their rightful place at the throne of the NFL (I don’t know how football works)…Fuck it. I’m done. I’m drunk. Coda is taking over now. The above was dictated and not read . Because some of us are a little bit wasted right now.  Coda here, I’ll be taking over now. As you may have been ab...

Kids, if you're anything like me, you like to kick your weekends off right - either by shooting three fingers of gin, stealing a dog, or punching a public employee straight in the stomach. Well, good news! Thanks to Tex's long-promised and now-delivered latest drink concoction, you can do all three. Welcome to the  Ramshackle Caddy . Now, I know you're excited - we all are. Just try to calm down for a minute so I can explain this. To mix it up, you'll need: A blender A half-bag of old marshmallows Vanilla ice-cream Ice leftover from a beer cooler A 3/4-full bottle of three week old open merlot Some old-fashioned mix from the sale bin at Wegman's Step 1: Put everything in the blender. Well, not everything. Maybe like half the marshmallows. OK, that's too many marshmallows. You got crazy with the marshmallows. Try like 6 marshmallows. Step 2: Equal parts old fashioned mix and merlot. If you already put too much of one in (which I'm sur...

Anyone who knows Coda & I knows that there are two things we love: Paternity Tests and laughter . Which led us to compile the following list of sites: they're either funny or hilarious. Get with the program. 1. In the Butt is a photography collection, a dynamic art piece, a representative performance of the collective - fuck it, it's vandalism. But hilarious vandalism. So it's OK. Here's the long and short of it: take a sticker that says IN THE BUTT and stick it in a hilarious place (stop signs are played out, kids), or use it to interrupt some heavy-handed corporate advertisement. What ensues? Hilarity. SFW hilarity. 2. Superdickery is a hilarious site collecting vintage and super-sketch strips, scenes, and covers from the Superman/Batman comic book franchise. Hilarious, and SFW if your boss has a sense of humor. 3. Debate raged about whether to include this site in this post, or to make it a Blog of the Month*. Fuck Y...

Babies, Texas done gone and mixed her up some alkyhol. And because she is a generous type, she's going to share the recipe with you. Now, keep in mind, this is a drink only for the classiest among you; it is an elementary recipe, but one guaranteed to rattle your tastebuds. Get prepared for episode one of Truck Stop Bartender, featuring... The Paternity Test! (working title) Oh, yeaaaahhh..... Alls you gotta do is take one part Orange Fanta and slap it in the face with one part Mogen David (or a substitute of comparable quality) Blackberry Wine and bam, baby. There it is. I'll be taking name suggestions. + = awesome.